The women in my family visited me yesterday. Well actually they went here in Iloilo to shop, but I’m part of the deal anyway, since I haven’t seen them in a while (and vice versa). My mother and sister and my two nieces were all hyped and ready to infiltrate the city malls, while I was fresh from my night duty. I was practically a walking corpse but it was worth seeing the two kids.
This is Alliyah, or “Ayee”
And this little haponesa is Gwyneth, or “Gwen”
I just can’t get enough of them. It didn’t feel like I was awake for 20 hours straight. Too bad I didn’t bring my camera and all I had was my cp. Still, they’re so adorable!
No matter what vantage point I take to look at it, I cannot tag it as a compliment.
There have been a lot of crap that’s been said about patience. Good things will come to those who wait. Patience is a virtue. Blah blah blah. Has anyone really seen that patience can also be a formula for misery? “can”
Sometimes, for something to get done, we need to act. Not wait.
Sometimes, even though we decided to act, our efforts will go down in vain. There are things beyond our control.
Sometimes, action is not even necessary. When you don’t see any point why you should act, you just end up, well, not doing anything.
Sometimes, things unfold in front of you and there’s nothing left to do but stare. Well, you could also drown in self-pity but that’s optional – and apparently unproductive.
Sometimes if you focus too much on waiting, you’ll end up raising the white flag earlier than you expected. (Expected?)
Sometimes, we validate our own efforts in waiting, just to convince ourselves that our energy and hopefulness were not wasted.
Sometimes, you just give up and that’s it.
10. Whoopi Goldberg as Gaia in Captain Planet
9. Polycom User Manual
8. ultra-sweet buko juice c/o ultra-sweet Ivy
7. 500 Days of Summer
6. beef steak
5. Mothers’ Day
4. Jennifer Aniston
3. Everybody Knows by John Legend
2. morning erection
1. T-bird haircut
I follow this blog called “Things I don’t understand and will definitely not talk about”. I find it amusing, although most of it are “inside” stuff which only he (the author) and his girlfriend would know about. He would enlist these things (in bullets) and he would write it so concisely that it needn’t give an explanation or even a lazy elaboration. It’s just what it is – a list.
I thought it would be a cool thing to do as well, especially since I often have these concepts suddenly rushing into my mind, ones I really could not understand, or maybe I do understand them but I find it rather pointless.
So here’s some of the things I don’t understand and will probably talk about, in the future:
Motorcycles with sound systems (tricycles are OK)
My mother using her left hand to text when she’s around other people, even though she’s obviously having a hard time coz well, she’s NOT a lefty
Paying priests to baptize or wed or visit wakes
Vandalism on gates (walls are OK, I mean, they’re walls)
Reincarnation for insects
Kris Aquino as a “talent” judge
What inspired dentists to be dentists
Shake, Rattle and Roll Parts 4 and up (Are they planning to make what, 50?)
QWERTY pad cellphones
Jejemon- KPOP combo
I was attracted to watch 500 Days of Summer mainly because of Zooey Deschanel. I’ve had a major crush on her since like, I dunno, Almost Famous? I really couldn’t understand why she took the role in The Happening, though. Anyways…
Another thing is that one day, I realized that 500 days actually is equal to 1 year and 4 ½ months. I had a relationship with someone which took about the same span of time. 1 year, 4 months and 17 days to be exact. And to be honest, it was the worst relationship I’ve had.
So I was attracted to 500 Days. The thrill of relating with the plot always excites me. Although, after I watched it, the plot did not even come close to that relationship. It was nevertheless a good movie. There was something fresh and charming about it. Provocative, in some levels, too. And the guy they paired with Zooey is a sign of good casting, which is always a sign of a good film.
I was particularly moved by its ending, when Tom met Autumn. For me, it was like of symbol of a new beginning, as if love is as easy as changing of seasons, or the swift the segue of night to sunrise. I felt that I was betrayed by its dishonesty, because every tissue in my body knows very well that it’s not that easy to start anew. Especially when the film clearly depicted how Tom was devastated when he found out that Summer is engaged. He resorted to drinking and he quit his job. I am aware that I’m mostly biased about this, but the fact that I’ve experienced first hand how it is to move on from one to another, I really could not sympathize with the way it played its ending.
Maybe it’s because I saw that Tom and Summer had something very special, and I couldn’t stand the fact that they did not work out. Maybe I saw them as a perfect couple, and I thought nothing would ever go wrong between them. Maybe I was too fantasized with the romance that I became sufficiently optimistic about what lied ahead of them. Maybe my own questions are resurfacing.
There’s a downside if you always put meaning to every event in your life. You may end up not wanting how other people perceive what had happened, more so if they dismiss it as just another insignificant chapter in their meaningless connection to your life. There are things I personally regard as important – things I don’t just take for granted. For me, it has to have meaning. I would look at certain events and ask myself, what is the bottom line? Why has this happened? What am I supposed to take away from all this?
If I pick out a random event in my life, say, when I shifted courses in college, I would remember how I processed the event in my mind and used to ask, why is this happening? Is this the start of something good or bad? Am I gonna regret this in the future? And then eventually when I realized that my transferring to another school has rekindled my love affair with writing, I automatically put meaning to why I was there. Somehow, everything has a reason – not necessarily a purpose – for why it’s happening. That reason, regardless of its benefits, is something I ponder on always, and seriously.
Here’s what I believe: There are things you don’t just throw away, things that were part of your life, and perhaps they still are. Throw away stinky, meaningless garbage, if you will. But not those memorable ones, those who have witnessed you become the person you are today. If you’re not willing to nourish them, at least keep them somewhere. Your closet, your treasure chest, your laundry bag. Anywhere but the trash bin.
When Tom and Summer accepted their fate of not ending up together, it wasn’t supposed to be a huge thing. People experience it all the time. They go out there, take chances, be miserable and then move on to the next. It’s a standard cycle. But to me, something like that awakens my melodramatic alter ego and protest that something I consider special should not end as if it were ordinary. People should at least give it some decency to go down in history as something worth looking back into.
I spent the “holy weekend” in 3 different cities in 3 days. I was in Roxas City on Good Friday, Iloilo on Black Saturday and Bacolod on Easter Sunday.
The Bacolod trip excited me the most coz it was, well, exciting. I was with 3 FF’s (female friends) - Nina, Kx and Sawsan. As expected, the unplanned escapade drained my body battery up to its last drop. But it was ALL WORTH IT.
First we went to SM to buy clothes. We found Spongebob and so - photoshoot time! Never pass on a chance to have your pic taken with an over-sized version of a fictional character (which I don’t even understand - a talking sponge living under the sea?)
Then we checked in at this pension house called 11th Street. The receptionist asked if we were gonna get a room. Was she expecting something else?
We tried to wake Nina up by all means.
When Nina finally got out of bed, we started looking for a place to hang out at.
Eventually we went to M02, which turned out to be a blooper.
The band playing was supposedly alright, except for the chic vocalist. She sounded like she was always out of breath, and she has has this funny diction. “That was a song by Kitty Perry”. It was hysterical. Anyway, it didn’t matter if she sucked, coz there were only like 20 people listening to her, so no harm done. Too bad we didn’t take her picture though.
So after 1 bottle, we took off. There was no point in staying there. Especially when the waiter told us that we weren’t allowed to jam. WTF? Sawsan is a very good singer and we could have kicked their asses once they’ve heard her. So anyway, we went to Ice.
(Isn’t it funny that we were in Bacolod but we still went to MO2 and Ice? There are other bars, you know.) But I guess we didn’t have a lot of choices.
Surprisingly, our stay at Ice turned out to be a wacky experience.
We were dancing and minding our own business when suddenly, 3 Koreans went to our corner and danced with us. I guess, maybe they thought we were the only ones around who had decent dance steps and somehow they dig it. lol. Nina and Sawsan were doing these funky steps and so maybe that attracted the Koreans, coz they were, too, dancing crazy.
The funny thing was, it seemed as if Nina was one of them. LOL
And then a bunch of half-baked Pinoys joined the club.
We still boogied like nobody was around us.
The girls were hungry for more clubbing, and so we rode a tricycle to look for places. We went to 3-4 clubs and they were all closed, so we decided to just buy some drinks and hang out in our room.
We tried to drink more while watching Fight Club on Sawsan’s netbook, but the girls ended up sleeping. I myself didn’t finish the movie coz it was freakin’ 5 AM.
So that’s the first day. The next day was a totally different gig.
Someone’s rocking my dreamboat
Someone’s invading my dreams
We were sailing along so peaceful and calm
Suddenly something went wrong
Someone’s rocking my dreamboat
Disturbing a beautiful dream
It’s a mystery to me, this mutiny at sea
Who can it be, who can it be?
A friendly breeze gave us a start
To a paradise of our own
All at once a storm blew us apart
And left me drifting alone
Someone’s rocking my dreamboat
I’m a captain without any crew
But with love as my guide, I’ll follow the tide
And I’ll keep sailing till I find you..
I’ll raise that overused white flag and recall my soldiers
Weapons unfired, rages unreleased
Back to the armory, and never again to load a single bullet
I’ll gather all the words which were able to find their way out of my mouth
Along with their unconsummated implications
And bring them back to my mind where they belong
I’ll sip my quieting tea and sit under my favorite tree
Cross-legged and unmindful, at least on the outside
And I’ll never wonder why I put up a lost fight
For my reputation has been cast
And my legend is as famous as your typical children’s story
I’ve been there before, and I’ve marched back countless times
I’m familiar with every emotion that goes with every step
And so I’m used to it. It has become my niche.
So you don’t have to do a thing.
I’ll make it easy for you.
We saw each other again. It’s been months and it felt like it was longer than that. I always thought I didn’t mind not seeing her again (or soonest) but yet again, I was glad I did see her. It’s one of those times when I’m so caught up with everything around me and temporarily forget about her. Then suddenly she pops back into my life like an occasional pimple. It made me think of how unfair it is. And I’d ask myself why I feel like I would give up the stability of my life just to see her. It’s so easy to harbor hatred towards someone. It’s so easy to be indifferent towards the complexities of a relationship. It’s so easy to act as if you’re not bothered by anything, as if you can go on with life without being affected. It’s so easy to pretend I didn’t miss her.
But everything changes when she’s there – in front of me.
I’m not even asking for anything from her. I’m not longing for her to be fond of me again. I’m not hoping that things would get back the way it used to. And it’s not like I couldn’t live a normal life without her, coz actually, my life has been pretty okay lately. But there’s something about being around her that makes me simultaneously restless and calm.
And I hate that. I still feel like I’m vulnerable against her. That she can still pick me up by my arms and play with my body like a paper doll. She has no idea how much I panic whenever she’s talking to me. I just don’t let her notice.
She’s changed, though.
She wears short shorts now. She gained weight. She throws more jokes now - corny ones, but still amusingly cute. And when I stare at her eyes, she does the same. She usually doesn’t. And most of all, she’s become more charming.
But like I said, I’m not chasing anything from her. I just submerge myself in this undeniable truth that she still has me in her pocket – whether or not she’s aware of it.
Wait. She IS aware of it. She even abuses that power. I’m Sherlock Holmes and she’s Irene Adler. My brain malfunctions when she’s around.
PS: We had a good time.